Saturday, 18 December 2010

Everybody loves a bit of the white stuff

The nation's guilty pleasure, snow - the creme de la creme of small-talk. So what is it about the crystallised compound that gets people so hot under the collar?
When many people summarise English culture, they throw around the same old bunch of clich├ęs: "the English love to complain"; and especially "they love to complain about the weather". However, this is not the case. We English are a rare breed, never happy, always the critic; we are no nation of complainers, merely perfectionists. Our urge for perfection in every level of society is immediately obvious. Our shops; our food; our architecture, all exemplify our passion for perfection. We revel in retail; hallmarks of our fine food culture are prevalent: the Aldis, the Asdas, the Burger Kings, all embody our desire for excellence. Nowhere else can you realise your potential to "Spend a little" whilst living just as meagerly.
Our bounty of boutique is ever expanding: you can't picnic in a grassy field for five minutes before it's bulldozed to make way for the next catalogue merchant: "don't appreciate it, Argos it".

Rain remains the hallmark of English discussion; furious debate about the weather's antics crop up in every morning Mcflurry queue across the nation. We even try to predict the militant tactics of the weather, before the onset of climate madness begins. "Rain likely"; "blustery winds probable" - these are the complex matters of contention which plague the media. Uncertainty about the weather is matter of livid analysis; and of the different possibilities for climatic conditions, snow is the overbearing champion of public obsession. This is where the weather-fanatic really gets a chance to shine, claiming they are "sure it will snow" and assuring all around them that a "white Christmas" is definitely worth penning into the calendar.
However, many claim to hold a grudge against the icy precipitation and are happy to go to great lengths to make sure this is known; Facebook and Twitter feeds inevitably become snowed under with a clamour of frantic reviews of the English weather and it becomes abundantly clear that much of the population "hates snow!!!". This is advertised presumably to ensure they are not disappointed come Christmas day, when upon opening a soggy parcel, they find their most hated of all Weather's henchmen quivering in a obscene mound.

The hysteria that a light dusting of frozen water can inflict on our western democracy is incomparable. While many will find the global endeavors of Earthly civilization prosaic, a few piles of the arctic material throw the nation into frenzy: it's every man for himself as frosty apocalypse sweeps the globe, all opinions on the sub-zero molecules must be aired before the total collapse of life as we know it!
Personally I'm all in favour of a good helping the white stuff.

No comments:

Post a Comment