Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Would sir care for some cliché political satire?

Cameron and Clegg split

Prime Minister David Cameron has announced today that things are over between himself and Deputy PM, Nick Clegg. The shocking news follows Mr Cameron's claims that “things just weren't working out... I went into government with the intention of defeating my rivals, not joining them”.

Mr Clegg's departure is likely to cause great discontent amongst Liberal politicians in the coalition, who saw Clegg as “a way into the Conservative Party, without becoming a Tory”.
Clegg himself has commented that “I will sorely miss David, but I guess some things just aren't meant to be”

Rumours regarding Mr Clegg's departure are abundant, but a reliable back-bench politician has revealed that “Nick and David were having problems, there was a real breakdown in communication toward the end, they just had different interests” one source has revealed that “they even slept in different bedrooms”.

Quite what effect this is to have on the coalition is yet uncertain, but one political analyst has forecast “a total collapse of civilisation”. Aside from this, it is widely accepted that the coalition will reform to become the Cameron-Conservative Coalition, a bold new partnership that will couple Mr Cameron's love of power with the values of the Conservative Party, in a manner which ensures the PM “the same level of political obscurity as communist China, whilst ensuring I can still go fox hunting with the chaps on a Sunday”. Under the CCC Britain will be removed from the EU and will cut all links with the US and Europe, in an attempt to return Britain to “the Glory Days”. Cameron has assured the press that “the squeezed upper class will be returned to their rightful place in the Sun; standing proud on the backs of the starving working class”.

Nicknamed Cameron's “Bigger is Better” society, changes are expected to take place as soon as Mr Clegg has vacated Downing Street.
The Prime Minister is insistant that “just because Nick and I are no longer together, doesn't mean we can't remain friends”.

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