Monday, 23 January 2012

Uni Livin'

Are you getting too much sleep?

Do you often find it hard to drag yourself barely-clothed out of bed in the middle of the night?

Are you sick and tired of weak alarm clocks which can be deactivated at the touch of a button?

Then you need
The Self-Drilling Fire Alarm!

The Self-Drilling Fire Alarm is the latest innovation from 2MuchSleep and is being hailed by critics as the number 1 solution to sleep. The SDFA can be installed in any type of accommodation, but is proving particularly successful in university residence, where it has a 95% success rate. When you buy the SDFA you'll be getting all of these unique features:

  • 4 hour self-drilling period: the SDFA will conduct its own fire drill every 3-4 hours without any prior programming or set-up.
  • Comes with 1 piercing, atonal alarm noise already installed
  • Can also be used to detect fires (not tested)
No other fire alarm on the UK market has this many innovative features, but don't take our word for it - just look at the testimonials:

Keith, student at Brighton University:
"With the Self-Drilling Fire Alarm I was woken up every four hours and marched outside into the rain. When the alarm had finished, I returned to bed safe in the knowledge that the damn thing would be going off in another couple of hours"

Rachel, student at Sussex University:
"I'd never been a fan of alarm clocks, but with the Self-Drilling Fire Alarm I was forced to vacate my room or risk burning to a crisp. Such a great incentive!"

Brett, student at University of Winchester:
"It's gone off 3 times in my room alone! I think I'm going to start sleeping in all my clothes in preparation for the next burst! I've barely got any sleep!"

So, don't waste your time with alarm clocks and conventional fire-detecting fire alarms any longer and make a once in a lifetime investment in the SDFA today! You won't regret it.*

*Disclaimer: customers who bought the SDFA for their own accommodation were, on average, 5 times more sleep-deprived than those who didn't. 

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Don't Let Misguided Politics Fuck Up The Internet : Stop SOPA & PIPA

I hit town the other night, or rather, I drunkenly staggered to town in a state of near comatose, only to find that not a single club was open. The only conclusion I can come to for this, is that they were 'blacked out' in protest of the bloody stupid and downright dystopian totalitarian offering that is the Stop Online Piracy Act. In a nutshell, the act (in conjunction with PIPA) will prohibit access to sites which are deemed to violate copyright laws, or even host links to such sites, in a manic attempt at internet censorship. Whilst directly affecting the US this filthy piece of Congress legislation extends to user-generated content on sites such as YouTube, making it possible for copy-write holders to sue for something as seemingly harmless as uploading a cover version of a song, and will cripple the internet for everyone.
American-made explanation of SOPA:

Explanation courtesy of the Guardian:
I'm sure plenty of people will rejoice on the possibility of Justin Beiber going to prison, but just think of the poor inmates!

Lastly, if SOPA gets through Congress such brilliant musical parodies as this will become a thing of the past:

HM Government Petition - UK
Official Google Petition - US
Comic and Petition - 'Get Your Censor On' - US/Non-US

Get petitioning, internet!

Sunday, 8 January 2012

What does your roach say about you? (and I don't mean the fish).

The Full Round Moon:

You're open to new things, you embrace opportunity. You're carefree and you love it. You don't dwell on the risks, instead you grab life by the balls and shake it for all it's worth. Whilst your method may be frowned upon, you enjoy the rebel image it bestows upon you. You prefer tough granary over white-sliced any day. In short, you don't give a shit, and those that do aren't worth the effort.

You're a pacifist. You know every yin has its yang and you feel compelled to follow this teaching in every aspect of your life. Whilst those around you may not understand, you know within yourself that you are, in your own small why, ensuring the continued balance of all forces within the cosmos. In short, you're a modern day do-gooder, in an unbalanced world.

Bare Grills

You're a perfectionist. You strive for nonpareil in every area of your life. Whilst, to some, your obsession with intricacy and perfection appears your greatest flaw, you know the importance in betterment and feel others around you are lacking. You're known by name in your coffee shop. You live in the periphery of mainstream culture and hate cliché.

The Spiral
 You're normal, and you love it. You embrace mainstream culture and don't understand those who shun its ways. You believe the media is not out to get you that and those who think otherwise do so for the attention. You'd rather buy your groceries from a respectable high-street chain than some out-of-the-way hippy shop. You love popular music and thoroughly enjoy prime-time TV.

So, which of these are you?

Saturday, 7 January 2012

Musical Notes #1: Everything Everything

I was thinking I should come up with a recurring title for music posts... 'Musical Notes' is the best thing I've come up with in the short time I pondered the matter; as in notes on music. Maybe I should number them, too? With a # symbol because that looks cool, right? Anyway, today's 'Musical Notes' regard the addictive Everything Everything. On first listen they'll most likely strike you as weird, pretentious indie indie hipsters who all share the same hairdresser. But their sound is quirky to the point of compulsive listening, you'll find yourself relishing their odd vocal harmonies and even odder lyrics. I'd like to say the intervals in the musical composition of the songs are Renaissance-esque, but that's likely a load of bullshit. They're instrumentation is certainly Baroque-esque, however,  Two For Nero actually using a harpsichord (or, at least, harpsichord-sounding instrument) for the basis of the main riff. Enough babble. Have a listen:

Photoshop Handsome 
Home to such peculiar lyrics as 'Airbrush! What have you done with my father?!'

A nice acoustic session courtesy of The Mahogany Sessions

I'm also particularly into their song Weights at the moment.

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

New Year, New Year

Happy New Year!

Before I get on to New Year - the topic of this post - I just thought I'd share the hardships I endured to be able to publish to this blog. The hardship? My Macbook's (or, affectionately, Crapbook) fancy Apple MagSafe charger broke. So, I ordered a new one off of ever-reliable Ebay, but being the impatient and resourceful human being that I am, I found myself impelled to fix the broken one. After much hammering,  plying, levering, banging and good old fashioned elbow grease (what an odd phrase that is: I never find my elbows to be greasy after physical upper body excursion), I broke into the charger so as to ambush it with a soldering iron. Without going into any more detail, the upshot was this marvellous piece of handiwork:
I'm pleased to say that it now works like a charm and hasn't caught fire. Yet.

Anyway, back to the matter in hand: New Year. For me, the most satisfying thing about New Year, is doing everything for the first time again. I'm talking about the first word of the new year (likely the word 'happy' proceeded by 'new' and the rather apt 'year'), the first thing you see, the first sound you hear etc. etc. So, here's my list of 'first things' of 2012:

1. First person to see:
My lovely, wonderful (lovely + wonderful = londerful?) girlfriend, Sophie (it crossed my mind that I could have omitted the word 'girlfriend' and then written 'and the girl's pretty nice, too')

2. First sky-based-explosion-in-close-proximity-to-a-well-known-world-landmark to see:

The omnipotent eye of London amidst an array of New Year's fireworks

3. First thing to eat (actually a packet of cheese and onion crisps, but that's kinda boring):
That morsel in my hand is a pan au chocolat

4. First thing to drink
I found this painting by Charles Wcoates after a bit of Googling (is there any other way to find things?)

5. First song to hear:

The Cribs - 'I'm A Realist'

6. First film to watch:

The Notebook

7. First book to read (or, rather, continue reading):
A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby (as I'm sure you already knew by the cover...)

First blog post to write on this blog: this one.